Hawaiian Mythology, more dream stuff

I'm at coffee tree. Finally finished chapter 3 of ORGO. Had a great convo with my Dan while he roamed for food before the end of his work day!
This morning was awful. I felt like I woke up with a fever. Just couldn't get the cover all the way around me. My nerves spiked too because of the practice exam I'm taking tomorrow. I did finally feel better after taking some Ibuprofen. So after watching a truly inspirational movie- Something The Lord Made, I began feelin' better. Then moods went down again because I learned my parents miss me as much as I do them. Nothing in theory is wrong with that at all, except I wanted this to be a fantastic vacation...and it's funny and stupid too how often vacations end up sucking big time. Fudgscile I need to write and email concerning my criminal background check and camp counseling...brb.
k back...
So yea, the movie was sooooo cool and it came on T.V. right as I was beginning to worry about how my life my go to the shitter and I may never be a doctor. I don't think my life could go down the shitter IF I DONT become one...it may go down regardless. There's no need to explain that is there? We get stressed and imagine stupid scenarios....and mostly for me, I don't even imagine them in detail. I just feel bad feelings and have this broad bad ideas that raise my blood pressure. And it makes sense too because I find that it's lack of knowledge that's truly scary. In my opinion, you're more stressed if you have a bump in your neck and you haven't gone to the doctor than if you have a bump and know it's lymphoma and you caught it early and it will be cured. So yea, to cure my little breakdown, I dragged my ass out of the house. Rolled down the windows and took the LONG way to Coffee TRee-Shadyside. I believe that a single moment can be the driving force for the moments to follow-easily. And when the driving force is the 2 minutes of a song, it sticks with you even longer. For me 2 minutes of BitterSweet Symphony served as my driving force for the last 3 hours here at CTR. The wind in my hair-I became Reese Witherspoon in Cruel Intentions except I wasn't redeeming myself from that dark place you're in after a loved one died....I was saving myself from insanity caused by boredom and self indulgence. That's really the worst kind of pain...pain that is totally self perpetuated and gives you no one else to point a finger at. It makes you feel pathetic really. I guess my only point here is thank God for music and the one thing you can rely on in life-your bottomless stomach of strength. Really. People can dig themselves out of any grave....even people who kill people...it just depends on the circumstances and your own will. Will is always there I think but it's fricken' hard to access the harder you beat it into the ground.
So anyway I lovee me my CP horoscope today and I'm going to write all of them in this blog so when I have nothing creative to say, I can blog about THAT!
Here it goes, JUly.21.2010:
oh by the Beautiful bob bRezsny may I add....
"According to Hawaiian mythology, the soul leaves the body during the night to seek the adventures known as dreams" (<--Inceptionnn!! I knowwww!! and yea none of the other signs have dream talk so yea that's me feelin' all special today!)..."The place of departure and re-entry is the "soul pit" (lau'uhane), which is located in the tear duct of the eye. During hate next few nights, I'd love for you to send your soul flying out through your soul pit for some daring exploits that will revitalize your lust for life. Take your backlog of stored-up tears along with you, and pour them down like rain on the secret garden you've been neglecting. The garden will respond to the downpour with a big growth spurt."
So in response let me say these things:
Prior to reading this I:
*Talked to numerous people about how my mothers plants are dying...how it's all my fault and how stupid I feel that I've had no time to do a simple thing like water them. Perhaps I've been brooding over the wrong garden.
*I also bursted into tears for a quick 10 seconds after hanging up with parents. I did this because I miss them, and imagined life without them, thought I'd should be thankful, and hoped for strength to be able to deal with this world on my own. (not like I don't need loved ones...I do...but inner strength and self reliance even moreso, is also something to work on....and not something you really think about a lot until you're ALONE!)
*And the tear duct thing? Hahaha...I need to say, when Bob throws in an anatomical term of any sort...it makes me feel better about life and my pursuit of science....and when he weaves it with such beauty in the most artful way, it's like the creative part of my mind also gets a big hug.

Now the tough question...what is it really I should be working on? That I'm not already working on? How much more do I need to cry to feel better?
I'm predicting the next time I cry, I'll either a) finish my Paris song or b) understand another MCAT concept. yay, nay? ;)

I do remember discticly crying in the past and then doing something really productive afterwards....it really is theraputic....Did you know the chemical makeup of our "my doggy just died tears" differs from "happy I love this movie tears" and "Oh best friend you mean so much to me" tears?

coool stuff.
ok gotta craft and watch movies with Jenny!