It really makes me mad when "tags" lie. I type in relaxing, new age music into youtube and I expect nothing less- instead what do I get ? Crazy Trance music
Music is so empowering when it's good though. It's the true thing. I'm in love with it. I love it so much that I can't wrap my arms all the way around it because it's like my heart's so big for it, this volume fills my lungs opening up my breath and mind and I my arms are just too short to take hold. This is how I feel sometimes when I try to compose anything. I start with one phrase and get carried away and then ideas clash. I've recorded a bit I enjoy but need to edit, sort through and then think of more. Lyric writing is an even bigger feet. Poetry came very easy to me before, so I'm thinking instead of finding words to fit the song, I'll just write something poem-like and maybe that will inspire.
There are two kinds of people that make me feel truly jealous and truly happy- skilled physicians and talented musicians. I think I'd like to be both someday.
I can't decide whom I would have rather have had an affair with, Chopin or Debussy. Liszt was probably the most interesting looking of all-his music is spectacular as well.
I also discovered today that the Kidneys are amazing little jelly beans. They help us filter about 180 L of blood a day. The way they do monitor this is the coolest thing. A section of the kidney actually convolutes and twists itself in this special way....picture a yoyo, and blood is coming in at the yoyo, then throughout the string filtration and re-absorption is taking place, well the yoyo string is twisting and looping, and at one point it connects back to the yoyo's head, dedecting how much salt is in your blood, and actually saying "hey! yoyo faster ! or don't yoyo so fast!!!"
weird. how did we get this way?
Monday, April 13, 2009
what if ?
current music: In Treatment opening theme.
So I was just sitting here thinking with my clorox-bleached mind, about all the what if's in life.
You've got the what if I died my hair x y and z colors? would that look terrible?
What if I lost an arm tomorrow?
What if I never get into that grad school?
What if someone is lying to me, or they find out I'm lying to them?
And then with all these what if's I realized , ew....these are all very negative what if's. This made me feel really awful inside, like my heart was just this dark pessimistic place and that all my concerns were disingenuous. How can that be? I care for lovely things right? I mean that magnolia tree made me smile today, as did the puppy in the park so...how can it be so that I ponder only the possibilities of loss and consequences of certain actions. I certainly do not! I think happy thoughts as Peter Pan taught me.
And the the biggest what if hit me: Perhaps I'm not as negative as I convince myself in the moment to be, and what if everybody else, is "what-iffing" the same things as me?
It's important to seperate daily troubles for chronic nerousis. In fact most of the things we find to be dangerous when we think them in our minds, are quite normal, and human. This is the basis of why I belive life presents itself with drama and difficulty-because we display ourselves "out there," out there in the world as if we were carved by Michelangelo himself. Just so that even our detached limbs would behold this anceint perfection. The worries we hold are defined so exctly by what centuries have taught us to be artful and wonderful. Yet in truth not all that lives in us is so consistent and precise. No, this human race so much more clearly resembles a slice of Lichtenstein's art, one with smooth and rough edges, tears streaming down her face, but BOLD BOLD colors.
Our imperfections...our imperfections- <cue Applause>
If you were a pile of distressed tissues, a gaint golden temple, some extra CO2 floating around my veins- what if I liked you all the same? Guess what, I would, I do.
So I was just sitting here thinking with my clorox-bleached mind, about all the what if's in life.
You've got the what if I died my hair x y and z colors? would that look terrible?
What if I lost an arm tomorrow?
What if I never get into that grad school?
What if someone is lying to me, or they find out I'm lying to them?
And then with all these what if's I realized , ew....these are all very negative what if's. This made me feel really awful inside, like my heart was just this dark pessimistic place and that all my concerns were disingenuous. How can that be? I care for lovely things right? I mean that magnolia tree made me smile today, as did the puppy in the park so...how can it be so that I ponder only the possibilities of loss and consequences of certain actions. I certainly do not! I think happy thoughts as Peter Pan taught me.
And the the biggest what if hit me: Perhaps I'm not as negative as I convince myself in the moment to be, and what if everybody else, is "what-iffing" the same things as me?
It's important to seperate daily troubles for chronic nerousis. In fact most of the things we find to be dangerous when we think them in our minds, are quite normal, and human. This is the basis of why I belive life presents itself with drama and difficulty-because we display ourselves "out there," out there in the world as if we were carved by Michelangelo himself. Just so that even our detached limbs would behold this anceint perfection. The worries we hold are defined so exctly by what centuries have taught us to be artful and wonderful. Yet in truth not all that lives in us is so consistent and precise. No, this human race so much more clearly resembles a slice of Lichtenstein's art, one with smooth and rough edges, tears streaming down her face, but BOLD BOLD colors.
Our imperfections...our imperfections- <cue Applause>
If you were a pile of distressed tissues, a gaint golden temple, some extra CO2 floating around my veins- what if I liked you all the same? Guess what, I would, I do.
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